People talk. So do characters in novels and other works of fiction. And one of the most important things you can do to make reading your fiction an enjoyable and realistic activity is to handle that dialogue properly. You have several options for this.
Formatting More Casually
“Casually” does not mean leaving out quotation marks (“”) like an author I know tends to do. In fact, it’s one of the worst things you can do. I gave up trying to discern dialogue from text about halfway through the first chapter (in all fairness, that wasn’t the only issue – crudity and, frankly, sloppy writing were an issue).
Formatting more casually means, among other things, leaving out some of the “dialogue tags,” as some call them, such as “he said,” “she demanded,” and so on. Just be sure that your dialogue clearly shows who is speaking.
With:
“What about this sale of the company?” demanded Sid.
“What about it?” asked Jim. “I own seventy-two percent of the stock.”
“I’ll be happy to buy thirty-one percent,” said Sid.
“Giving you control,” pointed out Jim.
“Well, yes, actually,” said Sid.
“I’d work for you,” stated Jim.
“If you want to stay on,” said Sid.
Without:
“What about this sale of the company?”
“What about it? I own seventy-two percent of the stock.”
“I’ll be happy to buy thirty-one percent.”
“Giving you control.”
“Well, yes, actually.”
“I’d work for you.”
“If you want to stay on.”
On the other hand, the above only works if you have no more than two people in that dialogue or if you don’t need to add in descriptions that add to the scene, like here where two people are speaking but their mood and manner need to be shown, and dialogue tags are used where needed for that purpose:
“What are you planning to do with the land once you buy it?” asked Hal nonchalantly.
“Well, this isn’t really about the land – or not entirely,” said Jim, a twinge of anxiety coming through in his voice. “It’s also something else, something that Rose has yet to learn.”
“What?” asked Hal, staying nonchalant.
“A couple things actually,” said Jim, not wanting to go into details.
“Such as?”
“Such as that whole business Carl cooked up,” said Jim, exasperated. “I’m hoping that my offer will soften the blow.”
“You don’t know how strong-willed Rose is,” said Hal, suddenly sounding very serious.
Each line of dialogue should ideally start on a new line, but these days you can bend that rule a bit. In fact, sometimes I have a line of dialogue in the middle of the paragraph, as shown here:
He broke the silence and said to Jim in a tired, confidential voice, “The time has come. I’ll call you in the next couple of days. Now, if you’ll please excuse me.” He stood, shook Jim’s hand in appreciation, and went back into the house, assuming the role of party host again while Jim remained seated.
By keeping all this in one paragraph, the action is contained as well, not split by those paragraph breaks. You have to be careful, though, to keep things clear for the reader.
Another tip is that you can present the dialogue tags in either of these ways, as long as you are consistent throughout the work:
“Well, yes, actually,” said Sid.
“Well, yes, actually,” Sid said.
See also Getting the “Saids” Right.
Keeping Just Enough Realism
People’s actual speech is a bit too “real” for great dialogue. They use verbal pauses such as “um” and “uh” and trail off sentences, often changing subjects in the middle. You want to have just enough real speech to make it sound real. That includes not overdoing accents. Some “experts” say to avoid them in the dialogue and just say something like “he said in a strong French accent” to give the reader a clue. I decided to add in some accent, keeping it light, like this:
“Mornin’, horses’re out to pasture,” he greeted her in his usual quiet, plainspoken manner.
Just as in real life, break up your dialogue with action. People often talk while doing things. Pacing, typing, dancing, eating, drinking, or a host of other activities are going on. Including these in your dialogue gives that additional touch of realism, but be sparing with it.
“Let me have that muck fork,” said Rose, taking it from him. “You haven’t gotten these three stalls on the end yet.”
Presenting Information as Dialogue Instead of Text
All writing advice is to be taken with a grain of salt, as the saying goes, even this article. For example, “experts” advise that you should not use dialogue to present backstory. However, if properly done, you can. Dialogue is more active and tells the reader about your characters, so there’s no reason not to use it to introduce that bit of backstory. Just handle it carefully.
Getting into long chunks of dialogue is also pooh-poohed by “experts,” but again it’s a matter of how you handle it. I found that breaking up necessarily long chunks helps.
“It was the same for Katherine and me when we left Reno all those years ago. Yes, I wanted to get away from the orchestra grind, but other burdensome and destructive forces were also creeping into our lives. Inner city living was fine with us. Then it started changing for the worse. Everyone seemed to start hollering about not having enough city services for those who deserved them, whoever those deservers were. It seemed like the majority of city inhabitants started to feel they were entitled to something or other, anything they personally wanted, this or that, without any idea or concern about how it was paid for or by whom. Dog parks, skating rinks, subsidized food hubs, public fountains, bike trails. Then came the increasing maintenance fees for these things. It was all emotional demands, with no rhyme, reason, or rational basis behind these entitlements.”
Katherine nodded in agreement.
“Then,” continued Henry, “many of their political representatives, their elected elites who had the answers to everything but knew nothing, jumped at the chance to save the day. We felt like the mob was taking over. Only feelings drove policy. Taxes went up, money was thrown everywhere, but all we got were fewer services. There was no budget oversight or spending accountability in any government office. Just the excuse that they never had enough money to spend.”
Jim shook his head, having seen the same thing happening in Los Angeles.
Henry went on, “Then special groups yelled that they were losing their ‘civil liberties’, so as they gained more ‘liberties’, we started losing our own individual rights and freedoms. Finally, our private property meant nothing to the people around us. Out-of-control graffiti and looting ensued. It felt like some invisible societal ‘black plague’ slowly coating us with chained servitude. We were choking to death, but it wasn’t from smog. We had to leave, go somewhere to breathe again. Fortunately for us, my mother and father needed some help out here, and we used that as an opportunity to take a break from city life. We had no idea if this was going to work for us out here, but it was away from what Reno was becoming.”
Making It “Golden”
Train your “ear” for how people speak in real life by listening to people around you, and then apply a modified version to your prose. You can also read what others write and see what suits you. The best trick is to read your dialogue aloud and see how it sounds. If you’re tripping over places, edit and then reread.
Bottom Line
You’re competing for readers out there. Dialogue is a great way to make your work stand out.
Hope you found this helpful and have been inspired to start and/or continue writing!
Time to give my fingers a rest and refill my cocoa cup.
Please check out my works in progress (WIPs). And thanks for reading.
Also see Some Thoughts on Dialogue.
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